As an overworked mom, you get a lot of sensible ideas from magazines, friends and the internet about how to manage your job, kids, and household. Unfortunately, you may still feel exhausted and insufficient at work and at home, despite the advice to organize, cook effectively and pamper yourself. How great would it be to wake up tomorrow knowing that you can start feeling better without all those overwhelmed feelings? The feeling of feeling overwhelmed you when you wear a lot of hats: mom, professional, household manager, partner, friend, etc. has its roots in reality. You are absolutely doing a lot of important work. But here's the thing: If you feel overwhelmed, become your knee-deep or chronic reaction, that emotion is now literally a part of you that needs your attention so that you can move forward more confidently. If helping yourself sounds too hard, don't be afraid. These tips come straight from therapy and neuroscience to hack your nervous system. You will learn deeper ways to calm down and feel more confident about yourself, your life and your choices.
1. Breathe and notice how your body feels, both inside and out.
With the help of body-centered therapies, you will be able to better understand your feelings of overwhelm and offer precise and practical assistance. How do you know when you feel stressed, your mind is not your best resource. In fact, just thinking about and reinforcing your efforts to "get rid" of overwhelmed feelings can actually make them worse. The first step to help when you're feeling overwhelmed is to just slow down and breathe. This does not mean that you should suddenly take huge breaths of air and breathe quickly. Which will send you into a panic! Breathe normally and naturally. Make your breath comfortably slow by lengthening your exhalation. Count 5 to 10 breaths.
2. A little curious
Ask yourself: How do I know that I am shocked? Close your eyes or soften your gaze if you are unable to. Imagine taking your consciousness from the outside world and sending it into your body along with your breath. You can notice the signals right away. For example: my chest is tight, my heart is beating fast and there is a feeling of upset energy in my legs and arms. Or you could just hear some words like: I'm going crazy, unable or unable to do this! If possible, get a little curious about this sensation. Consider that while this may be a great feeling, you probably have other parts of you that feel differently.
3. Offer some love for the stressful part
Richard Schwartz, developer of Internal Family Therapy Systems, defines our personality as being made up of sub-parts that interact within us. This explains why a "part" of you can feel one way and another, you have another part that feels different.((Self leadership: development of internal systems of the model family)) overwhelmed and offering him some support and compassion (like a frightened child) can soothe your body and mind. "I love you," is a great mantra to breathe in when you're overwhelmed.
4. Be Smart About Your Nervous System Wise
You may have heard of the "gut" of the brain or the "body" of the brain. The science of Polyvagal theory shows that the entire nervous system influences how you think and feel - not just your mind. In fact, do you know that your wise nervous system tends to take information from your environment before your brain can interpret it? system)) When you're feeling overwhelmed, just one tiny "Danger" signal is felt in your nervous system—it's often an unconscious trigger that advises you to be busy, but literate, to make you feel frightened and exhausted. This signal can be as simple as a song on the radio that feels overly stimulating, a bad child (even if it has nothing to do with you), or your spouse forgetting unimportant business.
5. Remind yourself that a feeling can be just a feeling.
When you feel agitated, your physical body is naturally alert. Any information or stimulation you receive during this time will feel overwhelming. It's not your fault, but it's helpful to understand that usually when you feel like you're not good enough, it's objectively not true. Your mind can only give rise to danger signals from your body. Allow your body to feel without negative judgment about yourself or your life. This technique will help you break the vicious circle of feeling overwhelmed, then creating negative thoughts about the feeling, which leads to overwhelming yourself even more.
6. Know Your Most Often Unconscious Reactions to Stress
Why is it important? When you feel stressed, you are likely to subconsciously react in the same way throughout your life. For some, too much stress will quickly create a numb, hopeless feeling. For others, thinking that life is just "too much" leads to panic attacks or anger. So far, others may freeze completely, feeling very anxious but not being able to do much at all. From a biological point of view, all these experiences are quite normal. When you accept that your body's reactions are not faulty or stupid, it's much easier to calm yourself down and move forward with confidence.
7. Exercise is part of your nervous system for well-being and social connection.
Did you know that you can tone your abdominal vagus nerve, the nerve responsible for feelings of security and social connection? As often as you can, allow yourself to linger on your favorite memories that evoke feelings of well-being, connecting with loved ones, times of the beauty of nature or favorite memories of pets or places. Use all your senses to really feel in your body. By doing this, you will activate and tone your ventral vagus nerve, just as you would tone your muscles. Make a sort of "body bookmark" these pure content sensations that you can return to when stressed. This practice can feel silly, like an indulgence or even a fantasy. But it's backed by science and it's important for you to create a strong and healthy stress response.
8. Give baby parts a break
No part of you is trying to hurt you. But parts of us feel strong feelings and endure the hardships of our past. For example, if you are feeling overwhelmed at the moment, it may activate parts of your personality that felt exactly the same way earlier in life. Deep anger, fear, resentment, or sadness provide you with a signal that something from your past could benefit from your attention. I know this may sound strange, but the next time you're feeling really down, take a breath and notice if you feel like a child is trying to do adult work. If so, take some time to calmly and compassionately remind everyone of your Inner Child part that you are truly grown, capable, and doing something appropriate.
9. Address Critical Messages You Give Yourself
What do you hear yourself say to yourself when you feel down? You may notice parts that sound critical or even violent. Statements like "I'll never catch up," "why should I try," or "I can't do anything right," are very common to hear when you're under stress. Believe it or not, these inner messages are probably misguided protective parts of your personality. These parts are normal and try to help you by "beating you into shape" so that you don't fail by warning you about fearful feelings inside, or how to avoid shock or disappointment by expecting other people to criticize you. If possible, recognize these parts as protective. Can express some gratitude. Notice how critical the voices are within you, although they are likely to mean the same, lead to exhaustion and even more stress. When you acknowledge these messages within, letting them know that they are a part of you and you see their positive intentions, critical calm messages.
10. Take small moments to express gratitude.
Everyone talks about gratitude, I know. But there are good reasons for this trend. More and more research on gratitude is showing valid links between gratitude and lower stress and mental health. A 2018 multi-university study concluded that gratitude not only has a direct impact on quality of life, but also has an indirect effect through perceived stress and mental health.((Science direct: relationship between dispositional gratitude and quality of life: mediating role of perceived stress and mental health)) There are many reasons that gratitude affects our nervous systems in a positive way, but the best way to discover this kick is to just try it for yourself. Take a moment every day to write down three things you feel grateful for. They may be big or small, important or trivial, but they must be true. Make it a habit and watch stress relief grow. Or you can try some of these 40 easy ways to practice gratitude.
11. Play with time
The Gay Hendrix 2010 book Great Leap Forward, he talks about Einstein's concept of time and Newtonian time. Newtonian time is the time we all watch all day. Einstein's time is more about what you do with your moments, realizing that your perception can slow down or speed up time. For example, if you are spending time with someone you love and doing what you enjoy, time goes by very quickly. Conversely, if you do miserable work in inconvenient weather, every second can feel like an eternity. The next time you feel stressed for a while, take a slow breath and remind yourself that you are doing the time. Time belongs to you. Then, enjoy the tempeh and do what you need to do. With practice, this little tool will become useful for overcoming the mental pressure of time.
12. Don't be fooled by perfection
When you're in the midst of raising kids and working, sometimes nervous energy is presented as perfectionism. By seeking to feel in control, one can make arbitrary but unreasonable goals for oneself that feel like they are needed or true. Make a quick inventory of all the jobs you expect from yourself and your family. Now the question is everything. What is really important and what is just desirable? What works can be left to someone else's discretion, done well - few children or completely fell? Keep all the tasks that will give you joy and do them joyfully. Let go of jobs that feel to standards or expectations with little or no return. Save them for retirement if you like.
13. Give yourself credit for time with your kids
I think that part of the time you spend relaxing and enjoying your children is like $ 100000 for an hour of work. Very small amounts are still incredibly valuable. Showing your kids that they matter is just as likely to happen in ten minutes of play as it is in a whole day at the water park. Shared afternoon tea, a book before bed, half an hour away from the phone, so that your little one's loving eyes add up to life and wonderful memories. Imagine if your child ever said: “Mom worked hard, but she always had time to hug me, to hear about my day, and to give me directions. I always knew what I meant for her."
14. Meditate for one minute a day
Yes, you can do more. But if you can't afford more than one minute, go ahead and sit, breathe and be in your body for that time. These are such simple yet powerful exercises and kids can do it too. As you meditate, take note, your loving hearts. What is it for - patience, compassion, creativity, care, play? Remember to show yourself and you for your work and your family.
15. Guard and celebrate sleep
From tinies to teenagers, there are many good reasons that kids interrupt your sleep. Here's the thing: unexpected insomnia due to childhood growth or illness is normal and not easy to control. If you're feeling overwhelmed though, sleep is important. There are two things you can do to improve your sleep mindset so that you set yourself up for confidence rather than collapse. One, prioritize and protect your sleep time. If you tend to wait until the kids are asleep to finish work or finally rest, that's fine. But don't let these activities shorten your sleep time. When choosing between another load of laundry, a word with friends, watching Game of Thrones or eight hours of sleep, consistently choose sleep. Two, I appreciate and express my gratitude for the dream to you. Sometimes, it's impossible to get seven or eight hours of sleep. However, allow yourself to enjoy anytime you lay in a comfortable space, allowing your body to rest and repair. When you wake up and say "I didn't get enough sleep", you turn your attention to the warning that something is missing. Only in this thinking can the feelings overwhelm. Set your nervous system up for success by appreciating any amount of rest.
Life as a working mom is not easy. Overwhelmed feelings are natural and normal, however, they can take over and cause chronic stress and discontent. Allow yourself a few minutes a day to reorganize your thoughts and feelings using the steps above. You will soon discover your calmness and ability on your own. Learn a lesson from your growing children: small changes create big results now and in the future.
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- 13 ways working moms can balance work and family (and be happy)
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