7 reminders when you make choices in life

I've spent my life helping people make difficult decisions: Should I quit and go alone? I have to take propaganda, can I really do it? Should I leave him/her? Should I travel? Should I change? Should I give up? Should I keep fighting? Am I an idiot wanting this? Are they right, what should I quit? The list is endless. However, reminders that you need to actually do something else to make your life more harmonious, fun and exciting are often very similar. Let's take 7 real client stories and explore what we've done. These amazing ideas can change your life too, as we look at how to make the best choices for life and spot the big mistakes people make so often that can harm their lives - sometimes for years! *All names have been changed and even if the situation does not concern you, there will be reminders so that you can make important decisions for sure.


Annie High Flying is a very successful business woman, she was used to achieving everything she ever wanted and if she goes for something, she gets it. She's epic and I loved working with Annie. Annie came up to me because Annie seemed to everything was. Amazing career, more money she could possibly spend in her life, amazing partner life, beautiful kids, dream house, dream car, dream body, dream holidays (lots of them!) and every designer hanging in her designer wardrobes. Did she have everything to make her mega happy? Not properly. Annie didn't know why, but she felt like someone had put out the fire in her life. She felt soulless, it seemed to her that she was just going through movements, but could not remember the last time she felt so alive, as if everything was possible. Initially, when we spoke, Annie felt like she was in some kind of life crisis and could border on depression. But as I trained her, the reality was quite different. She hated her job. She not only hates her, she despises him and the look on her face when she realized it was a complete shock. “But he gave me so much,” she said, “how can I hate him?” Annie's story gives us reminders that can help you too. If Annie didn't take the time to get away from her life, I think we could switch with someone who was mentally ill. They were so good at getting on they wouldn't step back to check that they were even on the right track!

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Once in a while where you are in life, take the time to sit with a pen and paper or be alone for a walk or some quiet place and ask yourself a few questions. Reportedly, da Vinci would ask 100 questions about himself. It is not necessary to answer his own questions, but to submit them for consideration. I often do this with clients because it allows you to get past the initial superficial thought to access the deep rooted idea that is really causing the issues/obstacles and beliefs that are holding you back. Ask yourself these questions:

  • What do I love my job?
  • What do I like in my life?
  • I like living here?
  • I feel like I'm making enough time for myself and what do I like to do with my time?
  • If I were to write down the emotions I experience each week, would I describe them as mostly positive, mostly negative, or a balance of both? What affects it?
  • How should I respond to criticism?
  • Can I tell people what I think?
  • What do I feel that is holding me back?
  • What would I like to achieve but fear does and why do I feel like I'm afraid of it?

The more questions you can ask, the better. Remember that it's not knowing the answers, or answers that you know or don't trust, that you can do to be honest with yourself. Annie also teaches not to be afraid of changing paths. Let's meet, Tanya ....


Tanya had her own business, and although it was pretty good, she wanted more. She also wanted to buy her first house, but that was too far away. When her partner left her, she felt her life falling apart, how could this happen to her? When I first met Tanya, she looked like a victim. We all go through very difficult experiences, but not everyone is flexible enough to learn from it and move on to bigger and better things. Some people let it define them forever and initially, that's just how Tanya voiced. Tanya felt how life was unfair, life is not fair, and holding on to this belief is limiting in many ways. It prevents you from believing that you have any control. While you cannot control everything that happens, you can control many elements. Not passed on believing life will only be one way - as it was previously charted for you. You get to define who you are and what you want. Tanya struggled at first to pass this belief. That life had treated her badly because she was only able to get what she got. Breaking that deep faith isn't easier, but we did it. How?

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Challenge yourself to ask if your beliefs are serving you well or hindering your success and happiness. Do your beliefs keep you comfortable in your comfort zone so that you don't have to face the fact that it's your fear? Or do your beliefs encourage you to go for things even if you fear them a little? Tania's challenging on her beliefs helped her see, recognize and accept what her beliefs were doing to her. Once she was able to see, acknowledge and accept her beliefs and their influence, then she was able to take responsibility for them and change them. You cannot constantly change while you are going through this process. This brought Tanya another very important reminder for all of us. Path change is allowed. If you enjoyed being a teacher or a designer and now want to be a police officer or a journalist, that's fine. It's scary to make changes and choose a different path, but to help you actually do it, remember this question: “If I agree to remain like this, then why did I agree?” It's so powerful, I use it on myself too! Often clients understand this question, that they agreed not to get what they want - and no one wants, so this is a great motivator. You don't need to know how you're going to do it, but you do need to know that you want to do it.

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Tom was everyone's friend. Tom could make a friend, just buy some milk, he's cute. But Tom came to me because he hates who he was. He told me "everyone thinks I'm great, but I feel like a complete impostor." He was very low, and this affects his work and family life. Tom shares a very important reminder for making decisions in life. Tom was so passionate about helping everyone else, to feel comfortable and happy around him, that he forgot how to be comfortable with who he was. He was so taken aback by what makes everyone happy that he felt like he didn't even know how to be confrontational. I asked him if he wanted to be confrontational and not quite the "full" term to use? And it allowed him to see that it's not against the law to have an opinion. Even more shocking to him (and not alone!) is that you may have an opinion different from other people.

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If you think you are confident to be yourself and share what you really think, post an unpopular opinion on social media (not an offensive, derogatory comment, just something you don't like.) Recently I did this (I'm happy to connect so when you give it a go you can tag me) and asked people to share their unpopular opinion. Nothing heavy. I just wrote that I don't like a certain cooking program that is being broadcast here in the UK - British Bake Off. I just don't understand why you wanted to watch a bunch of people mixing ingredients to make a cake and then watch 3 hyper critical judges tell you your cake was wet on the bottom. And in my post there were a lot of likes, laughs and loves, not even a quarter of the people that liked the post commented. What does this tell you and what does it have to do with Tom? Within a week, this post everywhere I went would have someone say, “I saw this post, my unpopular opinion…..” I asked these people, “why don't you post your take on my post?” To which I've heard responses like:

  • “I don't want to offend anyone.
  • "I can't write like you."
  • "It's not suitable for this."
  • "It could damage my reputation."
  • "You know what people are!"

Headline news people that you don't like Christmas jumpers or Elvis is not against the law. While some may disagree with you, ultimately good people accept that there are billions of people on the planet, we are not going to agree on everything.

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Ask yourself if you can't share your dislike for your friend's favorite TV show, how will you have the confidence to tell people about the big decisions you're facing in life? Tom found out that he stopped having an opinion about anything. Realizing this allowed him to work on his confidence and what changed his life. This simple move allowed him to not only be honest and share his views, it built his confidence and led to a promotion. Where Tom went, he told me that people couldn't get over how contented and confident they seemed. What can this reminder do for you?


Maya didn't choose to come and coach with me, her boss asked her to. Firstly, Maja was against coaching and postponed our meetings. Understandably so, because her boss told her (and me) that he felt she was amazing and could be on the board of directors despite her young age of 5. But her insecurities were ruining her career and he wanted to help her get over it. Maya was also a people pleaser, like Tom, but at least Tom talked to people. Maya couldn't make eye contact and looked like a frightened mouse where she went. What does trust have to do with decisions in life? Trust gives birth to faith in oneself and what gives birth to faith and what inspires confidence and creates positive results (even if you get a negative result in the first place, because you have the confidence, faith and trust that you can go to in order to get the best results.) Maya's trust worked and she quickly left the reception area with the company secretary and the last, What I heard from Maya is that her boss is helping her attend board meetings in preparation for the future! So what are we to do? The short answer is we bridged the gap between what she believed to be true and what was actually true. When you lack confidence, you don't believe what people say about you. Think it might affect your confidence?

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Creating a long list of everything you've accomplished and what people are saying about you will allow you to learn to trust that information and not the negative voices in your head. If these voices in your head don't inspire, motivate, nurture, love, and care for you, then tear them up! It's not always instant relief from these negative voices, but it can be achieved.

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Tina married young and produced 3 children within 4 years. The kids were all working their way through school and Tina had more time on her hands than she really wanted. In the back of her mind, she always wanted to run her own business. Something that was built into the children that made her feel useful and gave her money. When she told her husband, he would have reacted the same way for most of his friends. They all felt there was a lot of trouble. She didn't have any skills in running a business, so how would she handle it, wouldn't it be stressful? Would children feel neglected? The list regarding her loved ones was a long time ago and it undermined her so much, she pulled for 2 years on her mind until she met me. Tina is easily influenced by the people around her. And they stopped listening to themselves. I think she might have moved forward if not for our coaching sessions? No it is not true. She put off creating a plan of action because everything else had to be said about her future and she was afraid of putting her ideas into action. And everyone around her could wrap her up in their words for years to come.

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In my experience, people should spend less time looking at what's going on and spend more time where they want to go. We created a long list of everything you need to do to open a teen business, then we parted ways that are in the timeline to let them see the priorities. So many people try to get to the bottom of the list without appreciating there will always be something new on the list. It's not about clearing the list, it's about buying it. And to do this, you need to have a clear plan. Consider everything you could have done to make that tough decision or powerful life choice, and then narrow it down to absolute priorities. Don't back down and finally have only 3 to 5 actions on your to do list. Clean them up and you can add next 3 to 5. Tina didn't just open her own business, she went from the kitchen table to her own office with employees for 2 years! Spend less time looking back and wondering, and more time focusing on what you really want and create a plan to get you there. And finally, just mix it up a bit, meet Kim, who I'm not a coach at all.


Kim called me because life was everywhere. She felt like she was trapped at a crossroads that turned into a giant wheel that was a fire - a pretty complete analogy right? But here's what they felt. As we chatted about what she wanted to achieve, Kim told me about some of the things that were going to happen in her life - violence, death, divorce, getting fired - it was a long list and she would make no decisions on the teeth.

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I asked Kim this question and I would like you to ask this question to yourself; “Now is the right time to do something new/different?” This enabled Kim, seeing that there was no room for brains to work for her future. She did well to survive! Learn to know when to act and when to stop. I read about 2 Israeli referees who were judged on their ability to make tough decisions. If judges have received their allotted breaks, then the average number of people who have been nominated for parole is an average of what is considered acceptable. However, if they miss their breaks and have to work through their ability to think, excellent solutions are reduced to zero! 0% of people getting parole because the judge doesn't get a break! So when you feel overwhelmed, stressed out, just like life is completely unmanageable and terrifying. Is this really the right time to make decisions? Let's take the example of Kim again. I didn't coach her at the time as I felt she was on the verge of needing an advisor, but I made an offer to be her friend and confidante. To someone, she may simply say “it happened today” or “today was a good day/bad day”. Who in your world can you count on to be there for you? Not an opinion, not a judgment, not advice. Just to be there. Find those people now, because we all need time when we just clean up and don't get to know. Feeling like it's not a bad thing as long as it relaxes you and moves you forward. For 6 months, me and Kim work together, but that was when she had to socialize, take responsibility, create an action plan and have the commitment, motivation and energy to achieve it. So, always be good to yourself.

Key points

No matter what you face in life, these reminders will be able to help you just like these 7 clients. You will be able to make the best choice in life and find the best solution for you. Here is the summary:

  • Take the time to ask lots of questions.
  • Don't be afraid to change paths.
  • Challenge yourself to ask if your beliefs are serving you well or hindering your success and happiness.
  • Are your beliefs keeping you comfortable in your comfort zone?
  • Do your beliefs encourage you to go for things even if you are afraid of them?
  • Can you confidently and comfortably share an unpopular opinion?
  • Are you a people pleaser for your own detriment?
  • Create a list of evidence of all that you have achieved and the positive things that people say about you.
  • Create a long list of everything you could do and then create an action plan, create a timeline to make sure you don't try to take on too much at once. There are only 3 to 5 things on your to-do list.
  • Check in with yourself if now is the right time to think and do something new or different.
  • Remember that sometimes the best action is no action.

More about decision making in life

  • 7 ways to make life changing decisions
  • How to make difficult decisions in life
  • 12 things to remember when you feel lost in life
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