"you're such an idiot" is used to be my inner reprimand. It's rude, I know, but I used to be the queen of negative self-talk. Regardless of the circumstances, I could find a way to blame myself for the inconsistency, even if the outcome was good. Forget waiting for some gaffe or finding someone to dump, I was more concerned that the sky was falling and it was all my fault. The powerful and challenging thing about negative self-talk is learning that you are your inner critic. Therefore, in order to ride the waves of negative self-talk, you must cultivate a healthy sense of self-awareness. For a long time I thought I was properly hard on myself, because if I wasn't, who would be? I couldn't be more misinformed. Almost every person on the planet has experienced the moment when positivity comes out the window and you become your own worst enemy. These are the moments when the inner critic pipes up and starts hurling devastating lies at you. Negative self-talk is so insidious that you may not even notice it happening until you are in spontaneous internal spanking throws. It may start out as a small personal reprimand that goes out of control, which spirals in full on the “I'm an idiot, damn it I thought” scenario. Before you know it, you have written off all the problems of the world to yourself and all you want to do is crawl under a rock. Fortunately, a little self-awareness goes a long way. It can be like a lamp in a dark room that immediately makes you feel more secure, confident, and self-aware. In an effort to help you turn on the lights, here are 4 types of negative self-talk you need to stop right now:
1. Personalization
Some examples of personalization are: “We didn't get a bill! It must have been because of my performance. “ “Friendship Day is canceled this year? It has to be because no one likes my food.” If at any time something bad happens, you automatically think that it has something to do with you directly, you have a personal result. One reason for personalization is security. When you're feeling insecure, uncertain, and anxious, it's easy to label yourself as the cause of poor results. The task is slowing down long enough to admit that there is no evidence to support personalization of results. One way to stop personalized negative self-talk is to realize that you are being personalized. Then ask yourself if you know this is true. The following interrogation has worked wonders for many engaging in personal negative self-talk: Is it true that you are the reason everything went wrong? Is it true that you're the reason something bad happened? What evidence do you have to support this? Honest answers to these questions posed can help give you the distance you need from the results to give an objective assessment of your role as well as appease your inner critic.
2. Filtering
Some filtering examples: “So I got it done, there's still a bunch to do if I want to be successful” “They enjoyed this garbage? I thought I could do a lot better!” When whatever happens, you ignore what's already been done and focus on what's left for you to do, then you're a filtered out result. Lack of awareness can lead to filtering. Mindfulness of the connection, when it is absent, all our actions can feel disconnected from the world. If you're not clear about how your current actions are connected to a common goal, it can leave you feeling like an unattached balloon floating aimlessly with no direction. Being out of touch with reality your actions can lead you to feel frustrated as you are on a wheel to nowhere. One approach to working with this kind of negative self-talk is to remind yourself of the true merit of what you have already done. When you find yourself whining about something you didn't do, pause and admit the thought to judgment. Take yourself out of the equation, and objectively ask: What have I already done that is going to help me get closer to where I want to go? Write down your answers and read them aloud to yourself. Taking the time to deliberately reflect the bigger picture can bring out all the positives you previously overlooked.
3. Polarized
Some examples of polarizing are “I didn’t beat my personal record this time, I suck!” “I burned one of the biscuits, I am the worst cook in the world” If your thinking is very black and white, then you are probably experiencing polarized negative self-talk. Fchicken you are in a polarized mental space, you will see your behavior and results categorically - they are either good or bad, there is no in-between. Perfectionism can cause polarization. Wanting everything to be perfect creates an intractable ideal that leads to micro-analyzing all results. Micro-analysis creates an energetically draining and seemingly endless cycle of spotting problem. One way to combat polarized thinking is to remind yourself - perfection is an illusion and reality is subjective. As Shakespeare wrote,
“Nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”
Shakespeare poetically describes each person the secret of superpower - the ability to control one's individual perceptions. You have the ability to build your subjective reality by controlling your power of perception. When you accept that perfection is an illusion, you will free yourself from the pain of trying to see all things, including yourself, through this lens. Take a look at this article and find out why your perception is your reality.
4.Catastrophizing
Some examples of catastrophizing are “The traffic is terrible, I'm late! Now my whole day is ruined.” “My partner didn't say I love you this morning. We should be about to break up." Remember Chicken Little who got hit on the head with an apple and immediately it looked like the sky was falling? He was a poster child for catastrophizing. At the slightest negative outcome you can foresee the worst outcomes in all areas of your life and you believe that disaster is inevitable, then you catastrophized the outcome. This type of thinking takes cause and effect reasoning to an illogical extreme. In order to overcome catastrophic thinking, it is important to remember that not all actions are related. While you may be late to work due to traffic, this does not automatically mean that your day is ruined. Likewise, if your partner forgot to say, I love you before work, it doesn't mean you've definitely broken up. I think cause and effect is like a tree. The initial cause is like the trunk of a tree, and the effect may be one of the many branches that sprout from the trunk. The next time something unexpectedly throws you for a loop, before assuming the worst, remember the worst is just one branch of the tree. You can always choose a different branch.
Final Thoughts
Now stop beating yourself up and give yourself permission to live! Not every situation will go its own way, and that's expected. When things go to the left, you don't have to become your own worst enemy; instead, you can be your own best friend. Be compassionate and patient with yourself as you begin to cultivate a deeper self-awareness. Switching to long-established stereotypes of the negative-self conversation will take dedication and discipline. Be firm but kind to yourself. It can be difficult to completely eradicate the inner critic, but you can confidently silence it.
Moreover, to help you think positively
- 10 Easy Ways to Always Think Positive
- 5 steps to cultivate a positive attitude towards life
- 15 Ways to Practice a Positive Attitude for Success