Cars: Can you buy a car for the price of a smartphone?

mobile phone call

Why pick up a new phone when you could drive a new car with it?

It's either the latest phone or an interesting car and phone. We eradicate pleasure motors less than the iPhone 11 Pro

Steve Jobs teases me from the grave. I've thrown a lot of money my way over the years, from his Apple Mac computer through to a G4 PowerBook laptop, MacBook Air and several iPads. And then there, of course, his range of field phones. I have had several iPhones since the first one. Like all Apple products, it's a battle to get years of use out of them before they write themselves out of date. Mine is in a G4 PowerBook and works great, but a modern OS can't run, and therefore can't support programs.

I had my iPhone 5 a long time ago, but I'm afraid it's near the end. Apple will no doubt want me to buy my new iPhone 11 Pro. It has three cameras, apparently, and lots and lots of pixels. And the battery can last for tea. It costs $1049 but can I change my old phone and get a discount. Also, I can't because the iPhone 5 is such old technology that they won't give me a dime for it.

Where am I going with this? Car companies have for years used the cost of a cell phone as a kind of economic analogy to car leasing. 'You can have a new i10 and barely price your mobile phone. Reno used the same argument to rent Zoe's battery.

This got me thinking. What if I have the cheapest phone I can and then spend the money I saved to buy an iPhone 11 Pro on a car. I mean, I've always wanted to be a professional race car driver or fighter pilot, but I'm not particularly interested in becoming a professional phone caller.

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Well, there you go, Mr. Jobs: Argos just sold me an Alba mobile SIM card for £12.95. These, I believe, are what are known as burners. It makes phone calls and send texts. I don't think it will let me become the next David Bailey or let me know how little my Aston Martin stock is worth.

So with my new phone up and running, let's go shopping with the £1036.05 I have left. I know exactly where to start and what I'm looking for. Within seconds, we are on eBay and tapped into 'fiat'. Guessed? Also at 32000 miles Seicento Sports in yellow attracted attention on the 20th, but I can buy now for $ 875. For even less money, although there is no buy, the price and the auction has five days to run, there is a sports Michael Schumacher edition. I forgot there was such a thing, but this red looks nice at £820.

Fiat Panda 100 HP With. It's a lot better than the car, and of course there's one for $1000. It's on a 58 plate and looks pretty neat in the photos. Toddlers are great value for money: a photographer friend bought a convertible for $400 a few years ago and it still works. He has to keep his typhoid injection up to date because it's a little dirty on the inside, but it works well.

There are plenty of Cooper sunroofs in the budget, but I always like the eccentric club with its half-door death that's not on the tarmac side in the UK. There are loads to choose from from £1000 down and the bidding doesn't look insane.

Perhaps I'm too sensible and should take a punt on a 2005 Cadillac CTS. The infotainment system has a bust and needs an ABS pump for its mot, but there's one to buy, priced at £900. One psycho has already offered £495, which is below the reserve. I wonder how much the ABS pump costs?

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It's better, but still in the somewhat risky Luxo-barge segment. For Rover 75 V6 with instructions on Autotrader for £950. Mot until June next year as well. My friend Richard Bremner would be terribly surprised: he already has one. Oh, even better, a £800 Rover 750 coupe with a V6 and automatic transmission. It will be a peaceful trip.

Any of these old nails we've found will provide guaranteed entertainment and far more conversations than a brand new cell phone. They may even last longer, too.

Other appliances we could save on

Perhaps we were bored into owning too many devices. We have a Dualit toaster for example. It looks nice retro and I'm sure guests are impressed with our good taste, but it cost £150. Our teapot is a designer element and cost about 100 pounds. He can only boil water.

TV is a good way to blow up a lot of money. I don't like them like furniture, so we have a small TV set. It's very smart, but I don't think it's an OLED and it cost less than a toaster. I know people who have huge flat screen surround sound that cost more than a used MX-5.

Where is your smart money going? Let us know by email autocar@haymarket.com

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