Is authoritarian parenting good or bad for your child?

Kate sits at the table and wants to be a good girl and eat her for dinner, just like her mom and dad want her to do. She is a sweet girl who really wants her parents' approval. It's not always easy. During dinner, she gets up and starts leaving the table because she has to use the bathroom. Her father yells at her to sit down. He tells her: "We don't just get up from the dinner table, we wait and ask for forgiveness after everyone has eaten." She starts to protest, wanting to explain that she needs to go to the bathroom. Her father becomes more upset with her and yells at her that she is now going back and she is not allowed to say a word at the dinner table until everyone has finished eating and then she can be free. Unfortunately for Kate, she won't be able to keep him, and she has a minor accident because she's too afraid to tell her father's words. She doesn't want to get scolded anymore. She also knows that in her home, children do not have a say. What mom and dad say is like words carved in stone. They are strict beyond reason and they will not bend their rules. Thus, Kate felt that she had no choice in this matter and when she could no longer hold him. She couldn't help it. Kate's parents are an example of an authoritarian upbringing. They are strict, they are not emotionally involved with their children and they have very high expectations for their children. This type of parenting style leaves children feeling disconnected from their parents. Kate wanted to communicate with her parents that she had in the closet, but she couldn't even get her words because her parents had such strict rules and required her. They didn't care to hear what she had to say because standing up for their own rules was far more important to them. In his home, the child's opinions and feelings do not matter. Such strict upbringing is not good for children. This can hurt a child and leave them with low self-esteem, mental health issues, and poor academic performance among other problems, led research into parenting science.

What Does an Authoritarian Parenting Look Like?

In the 1960s, a researcher and theorist named Baumrind created a famous theory of parenting styles. These four parenting styles that are well known today are authoritarian, authoritative, passive and indifferent. For active parents who try their best to be good parents, they usually lean towards either authoritarian or authoritative. Authoritarian parenting is strict upbringing и high expectations for children. This may seem reasonable and even like good parenting. However, strict parenting is often characterized lack of compassion for the child, almost no flexibility in the rulesand full control requested over the behavior of the child. Parents who use this parenting style feel that it is their job to control the will and behavior of their children. An article in Modern Psychology explains how authoritarian parents work:((Psychology Today: authoritative versus authoritarian parenting style))

Authoritarian parents believe that children are by nature strong-willed and selfish. They value obedience to higher authority as a virtue in itself. Authoritarian parents see their main job to be flexible to the will of the child, that of authority—parents, churches, teachers. Self-will is considered the root of unhappiness, bad behavior, and sin. Thus, a loving parent is one who tries to break the child's will.

For example, Jake is an authoritarian parent. He wants to stay curfew at night school because he has the opportunity to play in a jazz band. He has played the saxophone for many years and his ambition is to play in a college jazz ensemble. With Jake still in school, his parents have a curfew. Weekdays at 8:00 pm. This rule exists because his parents believe they should make sure Jake gets his school done every night and he should be well rested for school the next day. However, they don't explain why their rules are for him, they just tell him that those are their rules. The jazz band practices at 8:00 pm on a Thursday night and they invited Jake to play with them. This is a well known group and a huge opportunity for Jake. Unfortunately, his parents said no. Their authoritarian parenting style is unwavering. He wants to discuss the possibilities and his importance, but his parents do not even entertain conversation. They stop him mid-sentence and again by their rules. There is no flexibility. If Jake's parents were authoritative, they would have had time to listen to his arguments and probably gave him one instance of a later curfew for that. They will see that although they have a curfew, there are some cases where it is worth getting around the rules. They will ask that he has homework before going to play with the band and that he came home as soon as practice was over. Authoritative parents have rules, but they are also flexible, based on reasonable requests for exceptions. Authoritative parents are interested in how their children think and feel. Conversely, authoritarian parents may not be interested in hearing the child's thoughts and feelings because they want to control their child rather than come to any compromise. Here are some characteristics of authoritarian parenting:

  • They have strict rules who are adamant and unshakable. This is often referred to as "heavy hand parenting".
  • They don't want to enter with a child about the rules. They also believe that the opinion of the child does not matter because they are the parent, hence the supreme power over the child.
  • There are harsh penalties when the rules are broken.
  • There is an emotional disconnect between parent and child because the parent is not interested in what the child thinks or feels. They are more interested in controlling the child's behavior and having the child conform to their rules.
  • Children must obey their parents and follow the rules, there are no exceptions. The child that voices their objections is likely to be punished for it.
  • Parents have high expectationsespecially when it comes to following the rules.
  • Parents expect their child to be obedient and they don't need to be told "why" their rules and expectations. Compliance is expected out of pure obedience not because the child understands why the rules are set. Parents do not feel the need to explain why they make their own rules.
  • There are failures attached to relationships between parent and child due to the dominant nature of authoritarian parents and their unwillingness for their children to have their own voice and will.
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Authoritarian parents are driven by the belief that they should control their children. This means controlling their children's behavior to the extreme. They are inflexible and do not take into account the child's wishes, emotions, or well-being are just as important in enforcing the rules to get the desired outcome. Authoritative parents, on the other hand, seek to guide and guide their children, not control them. There is a difference.

Problems of authoritarian education

Authoritarian parenting has many negative consequences for children. Children who are raised in homes with extreme authoritarian parents are more likely to become addicted to drugs and alcohol, have lower academic performance, and an increase in mental health problems, Parenting for the Brain.((Parenting for the Brain: 4 Parenting Styles - Characteristics and Effects)) Children who are raised with authoritarian parents are also more likely to have lower self-esteem, an inability to make decisive choices, and social skills that are lacking. When a child is brought up to be taught day in and day out that their voice doesn't matter, then that child will likely be ingrained with that belief. They will not value their own opinions because they have been taught that what they think does not matter and is of no value. This leads to low self esteem and low self esteem. If a child does not believe in their thoughts it is important that what they think about themselves as a whole will be influenced. They don't think highly of themselves or believe in what they think, say or do is a value. This will be facilitated by low self-esteem in the long run. Social skills will suffer because a child who comes from an authoritarian home will be taught to believe that no one wants to hear their opinions and attitudes are affected. For example, Judy is brought up in an authoritarian home. Now she is 18 years old and her first boyfriend. Any time that he asks something about her, even if she internally disagrees, she believes that she must obey and do what he says in order for him to continue to want to be with her. He wants to have sex. She doesn't feel like she's ready, but she doesn't have a voice, it's her boyfriend because she doesn't think her opinion will matter or that he'll want to listen to what she feels. She goes along with sex in their relationship to be compatible. She doesn't want to be punished for not agreeing to sex. He says that they are ready for the next step in the relationship and she fears that the investigation will not say that he is ending the relationship. Therefore, she does not even voice her thoughts and feelings on the situation, because she does not think that they matter or will still be heard. She was taught by her parents that her opinions and feelings do not matter. She learned from the past 18 years with her parents that the most important thing is that she fits. She gets along best with her parents when she does exactly what they want her to do. That's why she feels the need to do the same with her boyfriend. By going along with his decisions, being accommodating, and not voicing his feelings, save the relationship and avoid conflict and punishment. Ultimately, in her mind, the punishment will be that he ends the relationship. With her opinion never appreciated by those who loved her the most (her parents), she learned that she shouldn't voice her opinion if she wants to keep the other person in a happy relationship. In her mind, because as she was lifted, conformity overshadowed everything else, and her gaze was meaningless. However, her boyfriend is not her parents. He understands and would like to know how she feels. He wants a long term relationship with her and he loves her so much. His true desire is for her to be happy. He will never want her for sex if she doesn't feel the same way he feels. He would happily wait and want to hear what she thinks and feels to take their relationship to the next level. Authoritarian parenting methods can do great harm to a child. The child becomes emotionally damaged because they grow up believing that their opinions, thoughts and feelings don't matter.

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Solution

The solution is to shift from authoritarian parenting methods to authoritative parenting practices. Authoritative parenting is seen as the best parenting method by researchers, according to Psychology Today. Parents who use authoritarian parenting methods have rules for their children, but they are not looking for blind following. They recognize that the relationship with the child is very important and therefore the evaluation of the child's voice, opinions and thoughts is important. Authoritative parents seek to lead and direct their children, but they do not seek to control their children. The parent-coach plan explains the basics of authoritative parenting style as:((parenting mentor: authoritative parenting style))

An authoritative parenting style can be described as a parenting style that combines strict limits and clear boundaries with fair and consistent discipline. Authoritative parents are also caring, very involved, and willing to talk openly with their child about expectations and the consequences for not meeting those expectations. Rules apply and fair consequences for, When these rules are broken.

Children raised in authoritative homes follow the rules because they understand the "why" of the rules. They also bond with their parents because they can talk openly with their parents. This bond helps develop a supportive home environment and a two-way bond that can last a lifetime. To learn more about how to become an authoritative parent and how to properly discipline a child with this parenting method, check out my article: How to properly punish a child (A guide for different ages)

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