Let's be honest, self-care is a bit like mindfulness - for overworking and almost groveling worthy, eye-rolling topics. It's a commercialized way of describing something that is actually very simple and vital to a happy life. If you ever said that you should give yourself a little self-care, it probably won't make you feel super-motivated or good about yourself, right? Because if it gets to the point that someone has to tell you, then it's quite obvious that you're not exactly handling w t*.
"I think you should meditate and practice some self-love."
Rage like comments are well-intentioned but ultimately useless. It's like telling someone with depression to just "cheer up" or asking someone with broken legs to get up and dance, it won't happen. The best way to encourage someone is to build them and highlight their positives and strengths. Be an example of someone who practices self-care, but most importantly, don't point out their problems to them. So, if you are the kind of person who needs a little love, or if you want to be a good example for someone else, then rest assured you will learn how to do it here. No fluff or woo-woo; just some really useful and effective strategies that you can start using today.
What is Self Help?
First, instead, can we refer to this as "the relationship you have with yourself"? It's less jarring and more accurate. Because what we're really talking about is the act of taking care of yourself, like you would a friend and asking, "How are you?" And the answer is "I'm fine." not allowed. Rate your relationship with yourself on a scale of 1 -10 (10 you probably don't need any self-care advice!). If you're struggling to place on it, consider whether you're used to feeling bad, whether you're worthy or beating yourself up more often. Or do you cheer yourself up? Do you feel strong and capable, telling yourself “you can do this” instead of “why”? Think of it this way: If you had to repeat your internal dialogue - the words you say to yourself - verbatim as if it were the advice of friends, will you have any friends left? It's okay if you're not Or maybe just a few stragglers. We have all been beaten by ourselves at one point or another. But let's be honest: if you haven't taken the time to listen to your mental chatter, now is the time, my friend. This is not one you can let go of because it is literally the key to your success. Being held captive by your negative thoughts and beliefs will lead you to things like anxiety, depression, low self-confidence, low self-esteem, and generally unhappy life experiences. So yes, it's important.
“Talking to yourself is the most important thing. Many of us have a dialogue that this is crap. I use my self-talk to make me a better person, to make me stronger… self-talk starts with believing in yourself. If you don't believe in yourself, it won't work.” - David Goggins, an ultra-marathon runner, former US Navy seal, and former US Air Force tactical air control party who served in the Iraq War.
“These are just thoughts, how harmful can they be?”
Your brain doesn't know the difference between a real event and a thought. ((Dr. Joe Dispenza: you're not a placebo: making your mind a matter)) which is why you can get anxious when you think public speaking, or when your mouth waters when you think chewing a lemon. If you have a negative self-talk with yourself every day, your brain's neural connections really change and the patterns for that style of thinking are almost like a default. Your subconscious thinks that you will say it, and if you say something to it long enough, you can form a subconscious belief system that will guide how you act and react every day. This is because the brain is malleable—it changes and adapts. , these ways of strengthening are becoming the new norm.
"Neurons that fire together, wires together" - Hebba, D.O.
This is the first and most important thing to understand in order to create a good relationship with yourself. You don't have to "fall in love with yourself" but you do have to accept yourself with all your flaws and create new, positive thought patterns that drive you forward (not hold you back).
How do I know that I'm talking to myself?
Focusing on self-talk, internal dialogue or internal monologue requires us to shift the focus from the outside world to the inside world. It is difficult to do this, but it is possible. Nothing good comes easy, and it's only hard for most of us because it's not something we learned in school or from our parents (although it certainly should be!). Here are some ways to start listening.
Start Writing
Take a pen and paper and write whatever comes to mind. Some hints: "I would like less/more..." or "lately what's been bothering me…” sum up everything you say to yourself every day. What feelings and emotions do you feel lately? Why is it stressing you out? What makes you happy? A therapist can help with this sort of thing, but you can do it yourself, once you practice bringing out your thoughts and feelings, becoming more self-aware.
Meditation
If you struggle with writing, start with meditation and breathing. Meditation (and in some ways even better, hypnosis) is a way in which we convert our brainwaves from beta to alpha—that is, we can access our mind's operating system.((Kaba: how (and why), to increase your alpha waves)) in this state, then reduce the effects of stress and cortisol to get to the "rest and digest" stage. You don't have to clear your mind or sit in a strange, uncomfortable position. Just do something quiet, put on a good soundtrack on Spotify or YouTube, and start by focusing on your breathing. I'm counting on 5 and 7. You can add some mantras to say out loud about how to "let go" and let your mind wander (but bring it back when you notice it is farther away).
“Meditation is not a way to make your mind quiet. It is a way of entering the Silent that is already there, buried under 50000 thoughts, the average person thinks every day.” - Deepak Chopra
It gets easier with time. When you know what your thoughts are saying, you can stop the thought before it signals emotion. Remember that our reactions to situations, and how we perceive them, can trigger different kinds of emotions.
What Else Helps?
Start Using Affirmations
Put them where you will see them every day - on your phone or your mirror. Familiarize your brain with it to see positive reinforcement. This, along with journaling, is a great way to start clearing out any negative neural connections you've been using for too long. Try these 10 positive affirmations for success that will change your life.
Diet and exercise
We know that exercise and proper nutrition are good for us, so if you don't. This is your relationship with yourself and Your body, to reduce processed sugar and carbohydrates, increase fat and vegetables, increase protein, and start steaming. All this will make you less prone to negative thinking and make your hormones on your side.
Final Thoughts
These strategies are worth your time. No one can be held accountable for the relationship you have with yourself but you. Yes, people can influence how you see yourself, but that's only if you let them. Give yourself a say, give back the consent you gave to others to negatively affect you, and set your intention to build a good relationship with yourself. Not only will the people around you begin to notice, but your performance in every aspect of your life will also increase. There has never been a better time to start than during quarantine!
More Self Care Tips
- 13 Essential Self-Help Tips for Busy People Française |
- 40 Self-Help Ideas for a Healthy Mind and Body
- 30 Self-Help Habits for a Strong and Healthy Mind, Body and Spirit