Positive and negative reinforcement: which is more effective? ➤AppMaxx

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it was said that I rarely lack words, and I also wrote 5 times in this article, why? It is not so if I have a lack of thoughts on the subject. It's not like I don't spend my days letting people connect powerfully and find out what they want in life. So why rewrite? I caught myself thinking about the diversity of the people I have coached and how different we can all be. Usually when I write for a life hack I was able to see an instant commonality in a topic which means I could share some ideas that would resonate where you are in life, whoever you are, no matter what you want to achieve. or that adversity you may face. Along with that, it’s “how much string?” the answer, i.e. I could probably write an entire book, is worth 55 words and still have ideas I wouldn't have had the chance to cover! Let's look at some key points:

You will have a time in your life where you have to force someone to do something.
You will have times when someone needs you to do something.

Let's see how positive and negative reinforcement will work. In both of these situations, you may encounter big obstacles:

Someone may resist your desire to change them.
Someone may challenge your authority or leadership.
Someone may be at risk of injury.

You might find yourself feeling frustrated, like a poor leader, like a bad team player, like a lousy communicator, about how you talk nonsense at your job, or how you can't do it. It is important to remember that in life, we all need to be influenced и the influence of those around us and some ways will help us achieve the desired result and others will not. But it may differ from where you are, who you are talking to and what you all want to happen! So how do we know when positive reinforcement is effective and will there ever be a time when negative reinforcement is good? Worryingly, if you get positive and negative reinforcement wrong, you may riskour career,our business,our relationship,our reputation and your brand. Positive and negative reinforcements have their merit, he knows when to use which. Some ways will turn out to be those around you and others will inspire. And interestingly, despite a ton of evidence to the contrary, we still rely on mistakes in society, business, and even parenting. The 4 examples below demonstrate the use of positive and negative reinforcement and whether they were personally relevant to you now or not, they will resonate and be very helpful to you personally in every area of your life. For each, we'll look at:

What's the problem?
What have you tried?
Now what?
Results!

Boss

Okay, you can't be the boss, however everyone will have times in their lives where they need to get people organized and work together to get the best result. Often leaders say things like this to me:

“I told them until I was blue in the face not to do it!”
“They are constantly refusing to use the new system.”
“They just don't listen.”
"They don't respect me."

What's the boss to try?

Often I hear: “We tried everything!” No matter who reads this, trust me, you haven't tried everything. (This is the first thing to accept.) When you accept this, then you must look at what you have been trying to move forward with. Boss tried:

Given the preparation of the person.
Spent time with them showing them how to do it.
Said he wasn't good enough.
Told them we don't do this anymore.

Now what?

The above situations create tension between the two as you constantly fight to maintain your position on the situation. If you want to get someone to do something and they constantly resist, you need to stop and ask yourself a few questions:

What have we tried? This will help you understand what they are good for and what to use in a conversation.
From their point of view, what can prevent them from doing what I asked? What could they be afraid of and how will we allay these fears?
What do they want? Seeing their point of view allows you to use their terminology and language so they feel like listening.
What do they believe? Are their beliefs preventing them from seeing the benefits? Beliefs can be changed, but not by force - coaching is very powerful for this.
How do these answers differ from my beliefs and views? Bridging the gap helps you see both points of view and communicate more effectively.

In my experience, it's pretty rare for a boss or leader to say the word "no." If someone doesn't do what you want, the fastest way is to see results, ask questions and listen. And often when you really listen, you will find a big gap between what you think you are saying and what the other person is listening to. Reasons why someone doesn't do what you want:

They don't know how to do what you asked them to do.
They are afraid to make mistakes.
They are afraid of what people will think of them.
They don't have the confidence to come out and tell you they need help.
They are afraid that someone will tell them.
They do not understand where the boundaries are.

People tell me, “but I said what's in them!” If you are too close to the situation, how likely is it that they will accept your application? Here's what you can do:

Exit your normal environment – neutral environments, difficult conversations are easier to accept. They might take you both by surprise, which might be a good thing.
Start with the person feeling safe, say nothing. Ground rules like “this is a confidential conversation” and “I won’t pass any judgment on what you say, I just want to understand.”
Be prepared to say "I'm sorry" or "I don't understand" when you do this positive and negative reinforcement can be used.

How do you do that?

Teaching is like teaching people, instead of telling people is the key. Allowing the other person to see the benefits of what you want for them (not you) is faster than trying to dictate actions.

We post the expected results.
Create borders.
Explain what kind of support and assistance you will provide.

Notice how this isn't all about saying, "Look, you have to stop doing this!". It's all about “Okay, now I understand that you are doing this because of this and what. If I help you with this and if I am with you once a week, you can work the way I need and we can get the result we both want. Did I miss anything? What do you expect, what was agreed, what we don't want to happen and how to keep it on track. More ideas to really power it.

Results!

This style of reinforcement is about using both negative and positive reinforcement. This allows someone to feel safe to explain why they weren't taken action and helps them overcome limitations, they feel like they have the confidence that they will get support to change with positive results explained in a way that matters to them. Was a member of a team of 14 who constantly did the opposite. The boss was upset, the team was upset, their customers were disappointed. When I spoke to their boss, working with me was the last straw before asking them to leave and the boss didn't convince the coaching could help. Since not one of them, we had a team coaching day. And I'm not the only one with this person. I used the ideas above. And it was a real revelation for the team. Who found himself saying things like;

I don't know how you feel.
I don't know that you had to do it.

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And this led to respect and understanding from everyone. Frustrated and frustrator. Ultimately, honesty and transparency help—people can sniff out fake reasoning and insincerity a mile away! And this process has made everyone feel safe to be honest and transparent.

Small child (various teenagers - see below)

If you've ever found yourself on the wrong end of a merciless tantrum of a young child, you'll know it may feel impossible to get through to them. While many elements of the boss script could work, there are times when I feel like you need some negative reinforcement too.

What's the problem?

My children are now 15 and 18. I can honestly say that while we have had some challenging behaviors, our parents means I have two children and I am very proud of it - great communicators, great work ethic, kind, funny, considerate. The point is for my kids, this stuff works. And to be honest, when I'm with other people's kids, they often say, "How did you make them do that!" Little kids are amazing. It's like they just woke up in a new body and were told to go touch, feel, experience everything - every emotion, every taste, smell, experience, texture, a lot! They are naturally curious and eager to learn more. Undermining everything and a lot that we don't want them pulling up! When they're out of bed for the 60th time and are at risk of death from CC style climbing ladders, gates and ninja stacking it down stairs and through doors (yes, my 1,5 year old use for this - scare me half to death like some kind of horror movie when the door miraculously opened and you couldn't see anyone there because it was so small! Then it's dangerous.) When they go to put a pencil in a socket, or let go of your hand like you cross the road, it's important, they get the training and knowledge they need quickly. I once spoke to a parent who said that I was wrong to say "NO" to my children. I asked, "At what age would you like me to introduce them to this word?" to which they have no answer. While I agree that there are usually many more words just not for kids, no is the word that kept you and I safe when we were little.

What have you tried?

Whereas young children are incredibly smart, explaining the merits of the preferred course of action and not going to keep them safe. Tying them to your waist doesn't work. Punish them and tell them that there is no more park time while you walk next to me is not running. So how do you say no and keep them safe?

Now what?

While the boss doesn't have to say no, there are all elements of their approach that works for the kids (and the community). “I wish you didn't do this because of X” can only go so far. No don't do that doesn't work as well as I don't want you to do it because…. The difference in the former makes the individual feel like they are being told what to do, while the latter explains how what you are doing is not acceptable – neither socially, morally, legally, nor even to keep you safe. Sometimes negative reinforcement is essential. For example, my son (who adored Bob the Builder when he was little) was playing with his plastic tool kit and discovered an electrical outlet…..I didn't stop to explain to the creature how dangerous it could be to stick your Bob the Builder with a plastic screwdriver into the outlet. I calmly said, “No, it’s dangerous!” Here's an important point: It's not just about your words. With young children, it is very important that your body language clearly says the same. My face looked scary and I grabbed it in my arms as if the bear was after him. It made him look around and think “Wow, what is wrong?” He never did it again! It doesn't just work for kids, everyone tells us that we can't do it, it's not enough. We must feel it. And that's a lot about using negative reinforcement. I've worked in the automotive industry for 10 years and that's one of the main reasons why I'm never busy. I know that I used to work in the automotive industry was it dangerous for speed? Sure, but when you see the mangled wreckage of a car and find yourself asking, “how did they get out of there?” you really never exceed the speed limit and never. Negative reinforcement. Not because it's illegal and the police don't like it, but I don't want to be trapped in a car waiting for emergency services to come and kick me out of a metal trap - and that's if I'm lucky!

Results!

I feel like the happiest parent on the planet, have 2 kids who sleep through the night, but that doesn't tell the whole story. I remember spending a few weeks calmly picking up my daughter from a not-too-tight hug, no conversation, just saying, “Sorry, honey, but now we're going back to bed.” And yes, being a strong will (which is good now, but sewed into **** for 2 years) is a girl that she is, sometimes something else. Until she got the message that mom really wasn't going to play, turn into a dinosaur, sing or read me a story, Well that's boring, I might as well go to bed. With positive and negative reinforcement, you must have faith, it will work and you are doing everything right. And of course when I went to get her out of bed the next morning I had a big smile on my face that said “Wow what a grown girl you stay in your bed all night!” Positive reinforcement to start the day.

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What's the problem?

To be honest, I have no problem with my teenagers - or their friends - they are all very cool. However, I think it has a lot to do with my communication style. Having respect for them is the key and being aware of how much change is happening in their lives really helps – as someone who helps large groups of people deal with change, I know how difficult it can be. However, when I wrote How to Enjoy Parenting Teens and Help Your Kids Develop, I was inundated with “thanks” and stories of hellish behavior from other teen parents. Tales of staying up all night and not calling home, abusive behavior towards parents and teens - I really feel for everyone involved.

What have you tried?

The problem with teenagers is they know exactly how wind you are like little toy hours of work. And if you've had a rough day, the last thing you want is to deal with a person who can't even handle words; let alone put the dishes in the dishwasher. Losing is not an option, but it can easily happen. Shouting, bribes, and doing it yourself because it's just easier doesn't work in the long run.

Now what?

If you consider everything we have covered, you can see that you need to communicate using positive and negative reinforcement. In life there are consequences for all actions; and teenagers have tons of stuff to learn to become effective, successful happy adults. Before you begin any action, think about how the other person perceives the world. What are they experiencing? You may have loved as a teenager, but that doesn't guarantee your children. Just like in life, there are things you love and others hate - seeing the world through other people's eyes will really help you understand what the best way to communicate is. The only big difference for teenagers is to use emotions with care. Personally, I let my children see all the emotions - I do not hide my tears when I lost a loved one - this is a completely normal thing. However, if a teenager in a bad mood can spot a weakness, they might just take advantage of it – who do you know in life that is?

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Result!

My kids love to tell everyone that I am a scary mom, a very scary mom. I don't, I just have high standards and I'm not ready to give them up. A great example is Emma, my daughter's friend (she'll be so happy to see her name in print in this article!) Emma thinks I'm so big that she wants to be with me when she grows up - I'm not sure the planet is ready for 2 Mandy Holgates! The thing is, I remember one of the first times I met her, I had to ask her not to do something - it's not something grand, it's just house rules that vary from house to house. Emma looked a little surprised (as do all my childhood friends when I ask them to help wash the dishes or do something). However, they all would like to return. So, is the current negative bad? Or good? We shy away from telling people what we expect and then wonder why we become as stressed as the other parties because no one knows where they stand. I'm happy for my kids to take over the TV and eat too many sweets and binge on the box set. Just don't put your cups on the carpet, we have places for drinks. This ability to say these are our rules. People think negative reinforcement is bad. But, how can someone change if they don't know what they're doing wrong? And here's the question, so many of us are afraid to say "Stop it!" If you lack confidence, find your voice, because people can't read minds.

Dog

What's the problem?

I have had two dogs, both from a young age, but older enough to have some shocking habits. Like a Springer Spaniel who liked to run away with a diaper/diaper full. Wholesale! The issue is that we often try to communicate equally with everyone. Looking at how to get the best results from our relationship with our furry pets is amazingly beneficial for all relationships.

What have you tried?

We love our pets, pamper them, treat them, hug them and want the best for them. And yet, when it comes to discipline, how many times have I heard people yell at the dog and wonder why he left and ignored them. Infuriates!

Now what?

If you look at your relationship, you will probably find that you don't respond to negative reinforcement. They just shut down and stopped listening. Dogs are not intentionally trying to annoy you (just like a lot of people!) If you've ever learned anything about Pavlov's dogs, you know that dogs are quick to catch as many as we understand what we want. Like many walks of life, we can be wishy-washy with our requests and demands, making it nearly impossible for someone to behave the way we want. (I bet you were on the receiving end too!) There are times when, like kids, the firm isn't perfect and there are times when it's best to ignore them. If you want a well-trained dog, watch how quickly they react to stimuli that lead to treatment or cuddling. Dogs don't associate bad behavior in the past to know what you want in the future - so there's no point in yelling at them for diaper ripping or trash raiding. We must learn to give them positive reinforcement. Distract them with what we want to run and play. Praise for good expectations or for playing hide and seek with them before trying to change the child. Praise them when they are awesome. (You can see how people react to this kind of positive reinforcement too, right?) To call them for no reason, but to tell them that they are brilliant - and dogs don't understand words, they understand emotions and love, good things - everything is like in people – you ask save on making positive emotions perceived by others? Lack of planning and communication is not your fault, and it's the same for many people. I've been struggling to think of a time in our professional life where you could do the next action, (so if you know, let me know) but since you're ignoring the kid by throwing all mighty tantrums, some dog behavior is best ignored . Let's see the results when it works.

Results!

My "Jim Henson performed" rescue dog, so when we got her, she was very nervous - she can jump out of her skin onto a piece of paper. As such she has built a very strong bond with the 4 of us and hates to be apart from us. It was easy enough to make her happy at home without us - soothing spray, treats, music and hugs on departure and arrival. However, in the car for 2 years, she can still whine when we have to put her in a cage. We moved the cage higher so she could see us at all times, adding a soothing spray, and praising her every time she stopped whining—sometimes with treats. Thus, she rarely whines. But hey, we all have relapses? Therefore, we must remember to keep our good behavior. See how amazing this analogy is to your relationships in life? Think about it, lucky dog, sticks by your side - so ask with this kind of positive reinforcement - how scary it can be for your relationship.

Final Thoughts

I hope these 4 examples share TOP hacks with you. In conclusion, before you begin to consider the question, Is positive or negative reinforcement best for others, ask yourself what do you respond best to? Personally, I respond much better than negative reinforcement - I can improve and be more successful and happy if I know what I'm doing wrong. And I know that sometimes, negative reinforcement works best with some clients who don't really want to look in question - but it's always done with respect and love. Coaching people also have many ideas of when positive and negative reinforcement is best. We want to find ways to increase positive outcomes with positive reinforcement and ways to reduce negative outcomes with negative reinforcement - usually my clients keep these changes for the rest of their lives. And finally, a word of caution, be careful, always those who like it - those who always say only pleasant things. Who constantly only soul in positive reinforcement, you have to ask yourself “seriously, I never do anything wrong?” A perfect example of this is that I am the secret mastermind behind a group for professionals. I love my group mastermind. (You won't find it - it's confidential) no, we don't get those who like everything, even for things they'll never use, or believe just because it's easier than being honest. In addition, we have the confidence to believe that our honesty will be accepted and respected and not backfire. This way you can grow and ultimately this is what positive and negative reinforcement should do for us all.