Building a successful relationship takes dedication. There are countless life situations that can arise and test the strength and unity of your partnership. Having compatible core values will provide you with the necessary strength and camaraderie to be able to move through these obstacles together. Imagine that a passenger is boarding a train. Now imagine that the train is moving to San Diego and the passenger wants to go to Sacramento. The passenger will be very disappointed when he realizes that he has arrived in San Diego and not in his direction. Both trains and the passenger must be headed in the same direction for a successful journey. The same is true for relationships. Beliefs like these are fundamental for you and your partner to feel safe, secure, connected, and comfortable, to name but a few. So what are the values of a relationship? They are the guiding principles that dictate your behavior, your personal perspective, not just about yourself, but about others and the world. Core values are at the core of how you live your life. Be sure your relationship values have substance when you discuss them with your partner. Here are 10 important values for successful relationships:
1. The trust
This value stands above all others. This is the foundation of your relationship. Without trust, you basically have nothing. According to an article in Strategic Psychology ((Strategic Psychology: The Importance of Trust in Relationships))
“Trust is an integral part of a happy and fulfilling relationship in personal and professional life. We require trust to evolve over time to create a successful and meaningful partnership.”
You and your partner must trust each other, you have everything. You must be sure that they will have their back, that you will have them, and that if children are involved, their welfare is above everything else. Your lover and you can have a triumphant relationship. How? I hope that each of you will always do everything possible for the good of the relationship. If you truly trust your partner, and they trust you, you are on your way to conquering any obstacle that stands in your way. If you are working on building trust in a relationship.
2. Loyalty
This core value is extremely important and goes hand in hand with trust. Being loyal and having a loyal partner ensures that you are both on the same team. According to relationship counseling: how to determine loyalty in a relationship,((couples expert: relationship tips: How to determine loyalty in a relationship))
«Loyalty is devotion; knowing that you are devoted only to each other. That all choices and decisions that you make have been considered with your partner and the impact on your relationship in mind. Your loyalty never wavers and your bonds are unbreakable."
If you and your honey are reliable and loyal to each other above all others, you are on the right track. If not, it could be a warpath. I once treated a couple in which one of the partners lacked loyalty "chip". He was faithful, but not to his wife. His family came first. It didn't bode well for his wife, obviously. His parents were supposed to have the final say in their big decisions, and when they sent negative comments to his wife, he didn't step forward to protect her. He remained silent and let her take her verbal beating. It's not your partner's loyalty. Loyalty is fundamental to the health and survival of your relationship. If you are loyal to each other, your love will flourish at its best. Isn't that the goal of any successful relationship? Learn more tips on building loyalty in this article: How to build loyalty in your relationship
3. Religion
This core value is of paramount importance, especially if you are going to raise children together. Religion has a strong place in the lives of many people. Despite the possible difficulties, you may still decide that your partner's other faith does not matter. In his article, Why Religious Compatibility Issues in Relationships, Kelsey Dallas, States,((Kelsey Dallas: why religious compatibility issues in relationships))
“Religious differences don't always spell doom for a relationship, but they can lead to arguments and tensions. Religiously mixed couples should be proactive in deciding what role faith will play in their family life, according to experts on religion and romance."
It may be true that religious differences may not end a relationship, but consider the impact on your children if you happen to have them? How will you educate them? Will you let them make their own minds when they're old enough? Or did you mean to say, “Children should be raised Christian/Muslim. And here is the final!? Even if the couple comes to a similar conclusion, there is also the problem of a large family. If they are intimately involved in their religion—you were raised in—they may expect their grandchildren to be as well as exert undue pressure to make it happen. If it's important to you, make sure you discuss this core value and that you're both on the same page. And if you are, you are adding another block to your already solid partnerships.
4. A family
Your dream grew perhaps to get married, have children, and have immediate relatives. This has always been a core value for you. But what happens if your partner doesn't want children and plans to move to Africa to study elephants? You are not going to get too far. Family is very important and one that both of you should share. I knew a couple who initially decided they didn't want to have children. Everything went smoothly until the wife decided that she wanted to have children after all. Unfortunately, her husband didn't change his mind. The choice must be made. She left her husband for 12 years to try to meet another guy, fall in love, then have kids? Or did she stay with the man she loved and give up on the idea of starting a family? She chose the latter, but with painful consequences. Decide first what your family values. Do you want to live near relatives? How often would you like to visit? Do you want to have your own family? If yes, how much? This basic value, if not shared, can mean the end of your relationship. In his article, family values: What are family values and why are they important, Brian Zitzman, PhD, WPW, writes, ((Brian Zitzman, PhD, WPW: Family Values: What Are Family Values and Why They Matter))
“Ultimately, your family values will be specific to you and your family. They represent the ways you want to live your family life and they can be passed down through many generations for decades. Knowing that the family as a nuclear family and extended family values can help strengthen bonds between family members. Family values help children and young men and women make the right choices because they have a set of beliefs to help them."
When you keep these core values close and clear to your hearts, it can be very rewarding, bringing you closer together, and unfolding the great thing you already have.
5. Communication
Without a doubt, this core value is critical to the development and well-being of your relationship. In an article by Saminu Abass, 3 Benefits of Effective Communication, he states,
"Living together as husband and wife (or any romantic partnership) can only work when there is an efficient back and forth between the couple."
Communicating with each other will bring you closer; let you get to know each other as deeply as you can. If you want to keep things to yourself, believing that no one should know your business, not even your partner, and your partner loves to talk about himself, then the relationship will most likely fail. Maybe you're the type of person who likes to process situations before talking about them and your partner wants to talk about them right away. This is fine. As long as you both want to keep lines of communication open, it can still work. You and your honey can decide on time to talk about the problem and solve them. The problem arises when there is no conversation at all. Don't forget to report good things too. Communicating with each other is a way to invest in your relationship. Any time you use a piece of yourself and your life, your relationship will benefit and you will be rewarded with increased intimacy.
6. Lifestyle
You love to go camping every weekend and your spouse loves to stay home for a buzz New Amsterdam. Lifestyles are important to every relationship.((Kay Nigel: Love Q&A #1: “lifestyle differences make me want to break up with my boyfriend”)) if you both enjoy doing different things all the time, spending no more than a few minutes a week together, then your relationship is less likely to flourish. I'm not saying that you should be like Siamese twins, but it's a good idea to have fun with each other. If you're a tourist and your partner is a stay-at-home partner, or you like to party every weekend and your partner sits in the corner, counting the minutes until they can get home, then again, which can create a stumbling block. As a couple, it's important that you do things together that, for the most part, you enjoy participating in the same activities. But even if you enjoy chasing tornadoes and your spouse enjoys walking in the park, your relationship may still function normally. Just make sure most of your other values are on point.
7. Honesty
These core values are critical to any relationship. In an article by Trudy Adams, TBH: 5 Reasons Why Honesty Matters, she writes.
“Without honesty, there is no foundation for a lasting and enjoyable relationship in any context, be it a family member, friend, or romantic interest. Honesty is the voice of love that creates trust. Without it, even "I love you" becomes a lie in itself and there is no real security in the relationship."
The value of honesty is priceless. When you and your partner must be honest with each other, when you both believe that honesty is the only way to continue your relationship, you are asserting that your union is undeniably important to you. If you and your partner are sincere with each other, you are elevating your alliance to the highest place. No guessing game for any of you; you both know where you stand and what is the best way to grow together. Honesty can sometimes cause a feeling of embarrassment, especially if you have to say it hard, but in the long run, it's better than silence, which can cause irreparable damage. If you and your partner have this beautiful core value, chances are good that your relationship will develop in the best possible way.
8. Self-discipline
You may wonder what self-discipline does on this list. Let me explain. Suppose you get up every morning at 5:00 am to work out. You are disciplined about your eating habits, keep your home clean, and set aside pleasure for future gain. You consider self-discipline as a strong virtue. But what if your partner makes an off button every morning? What if he doesn't get out of bed until 9:00 a.m. and runs out the door with a bag of breakfast chips? How would you feel? In this case, resentment could easily fester. It is important to tell what the core values are in this area to avoid constant arguments. If you, as a disciplined partner, do not give a damn about your partner's habits, then this can work, but there is a good chance that if you are an experienced, disciplined, you will expect the same from you, buddy.
9. Self-improvement
When I was in graduate school, we were told that many marriages resulted in divorce during this phase of the program. He then explained to us that if one of the partners is on the path of learning and self-improvement, while the other partner remains at the same level, the gap between spouses can widen. If you are constantly striving to become the best version of yourself, and your spouse does not want to go beyond the knowledge that he / she acquired in school, I think this is cause for alarm. Whenever you learn something new, it's natural to want to share it. And who is better than with your partner? If they are not interested, this can lead to frustration and dissatisfaction on your part. Learn and grow together and you will be on your way to a successful relationship. For more on the role of self-improvement in relationships, I suggest Mel Robbins' blog, you grow up, but the people in your life don't. Here's what you can do. It provides some valuable ideas on how to manage self-improvement and growth with your partner.
10. Finance
In order for your relationship to flourish, you must have the same thoughts and goals about how you manage your finances. If one of your core values is saving money for a rainy day and your partner has to throw it away like it grows on trees, then it will create chaos in the most fundamental part of your partnership. According to Dave Ramsey, financial infidelity jeopardizes the future of your relationship. If you or your partner makes big financial decisions without consulting others, then it shows a complete disregard for the economics of the relationship, and the relationship itself. Your core values on finances must be the same, or frustration is going to plague the saver and spender. In his article, keeping money secrets from each other: financial cheating on the rise, Yoki Noguchi States.
“Adultery is well known, but financial infidelity may actually be more common. Several academic studies have calculated that 41% of American adults admit to hiding bills, debts, or their spouse or partner's spending habits.
If you do not share the same values for finances, then it will most likely lead to lies on the part of the partner responsible for financial infidelity. Lying will lead to broken trust and feelings of betrayal. This makes repairs much more difficult. Make sure you and your honey have the same core values when it comes to money. This will craft a stronger relationship, and a future where both of you, working together, will determine your financial future and all that includes.
Final Thoughts
Core values are deeply rooted beliefs. These beliefs dictate how you behave in your life and with others. Having a significant other who has the same beliefs is a great addition to a relationship, and something that strong alliances are built on. Having said that, your core values may change over the course of your life. You can have one set of meanings in your twenties and then run into situations that change those meanings when you are in your thirties, forties and beyond. Still, whatever changes occur must be in sync with your partner for the success of your relationship. If you appreciate learning about core values, be sure to post this article and share some of the core values in your relationship.